Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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