Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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