apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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