Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
