Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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