He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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