I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
