Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
