Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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