but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
