Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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