Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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