small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
