Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
