and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
