Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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