Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
