My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
