I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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