Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
