Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
