My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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