Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
