My balls are so social today.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
