imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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