Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
