planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
