Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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