I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
