pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
