Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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