your room smells of hookers.
And success
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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