The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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