i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
