I could make wine with my vomit
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
