Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
