i wish there were pregnant emoticons
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
