I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
