i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
