You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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