i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
