He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
