I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
