Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
