You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
where are my eyebrows?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
