why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
