The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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