think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
