and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
