I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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