I must be too annoying 4 u.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
