So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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